So, I have a pending post that has been sitting in my draft for the longest time. When I logged on to the site, my initial plan was to complete that and to finally have it published. I want to write, but just not on that content. Maybe I’ll continue on a day when I’m feeling better.
Today feels different. In fact, the whole month feels different.
It’s been a while I feel this way. The music on the radio speaks volume to my soul more than usual. Drives become slower. Getting drowned with my inner thoughts a little more than usual. Less intention on wanting to engage with people. A little more in touch with my emotions. Wanting to escape.
I’m feeling so tired.
So. Darn. Tired.
Partly because of work but I could easily bounce back with some rest.
But mostly tired because I feel after all I’ve been working on – in expense on the other areas of my life – seems futile.
I worked so hard and to be told, that all my efforts actually meant nothing, hurts so bad.
So, I’m at this crossroad wondering if I should continue to be this intentional, to be putting in as much effort and hope for a better result? Or do I just let time take its course, let it be and see where it goes? Do I begin to focus on things that I want to do myself and be selfish?
How do you distinguish between responsibility and trying to be a people pleaser? Will I regret in the days to come? I don’t know. I have so many questions, so many dreams and aspirations but so limited with the reality of life and time.
Then again, having the time to write this tonight is a luxury of its own and for that, I’m grateful. Taking one baby step at a time. #fighting
Claryn C. 