The Mom Guilt

It’s been 3 weeks since I started my new job in downtown KL. Travel time has increased significantly to 1.5 hours per way and I would have to start my day much much earlier. Commute has gotta be one of the most tiring thing yet peaceful because this is the only time I can be truly alone with myself. I mean, that vs sleep. I don’t know. Why can’t I have both?

I was very aware of the opportunity cost to take this new role but I did not expect at how this would affect me greatly. I would look at Asher’s pictures on my phone every single work day. Sometimes, I would cry looking at these pics.. wondering how is he like at school. The funny thing is that it’s not the first month or year that we’re apart like this. Maybe because it’s the lesser quality time that we get to spend together before and after work.

Weekends now are so so precious. It’s exhausting really, but I treasure every single moment I get to spend with him because when Monday comes, it’s back to the grind again. I try to create as many memories with him even if they can be mundane. I just crave more quality time with him.

I’m so conflicted.

My Pregnancy Journey (Part 1)

One of the reasons I started this blog is to remember details & stories I’ll forget in the years to come. It’s interesting to see how I evolve as a person, in my thoughts process and my writing style. My only regret is that I don’t do this enough.

This pregnancy journey is not any different. I wanted to do this every trimester but man, ain’t nobody got the time when all I want to do is sleep and eat and do nothing. In fact, I only scribbled some notes up to 2nd trimester and now, I gotta use my brain memory to remember what happened at the 3rd. LOL.

1st Trimester

I remembered feeling so surreal if this was all true and it felt all so blurry. By the time I discovered I was pregnant, it was already week 4 (just another 36 more weeks to go!lol!). I knew I was going to the clinic on New Year’s Eve to do my check-up, so I asked the doctor to have me tested if I was pregnant. My body was already off the past few days, my period was late for a few days which is normal due to stress but my boobs never felt sore like this before.

I WAS PREGNANT! ❤

What a sweet sweet gift from the Lord as we started the New Year.

Then, I went home to tell Marc and he couldn’t believe it either! Lol. I tested myself using the pregnancy kit again to make sure I’m pregnant and the 2 lines confirmed it 🙂

Few days after, the pregnancy symptoms came full swing. I never felt sooo tired like that in my whole life. I just slept the entire time and even during lunch hours. When I came home from work, I just dropped to my sofa and continued sleeping. That lasted for until week 8-10.

The end of 1st trimester felt like forever.